Is this some kind of impasse, 

A truce?

Middle ground, maybe?

Kind of no man's land.

The rules are different 

But my heart beats the same.

Sharing a while day with you,

Filled my cup like nothing else I know. 

It feels different,

Like a first date

Tentative and new

Wholesome and shy

The feelings are there

It's tangible

The electricity between us 

Hasn't just dissipated

It's just lain dormant

I guess what we had hasn't left us yet.

We've drawn apart

But those emotions are still evident.

I feel it in your time,

The way you look at me.

How it feels when you brush past me

And if we momentarily touch.

My happy is with you,

It's so easy in your company.

Your message shave changed,

They are lighter 

Free, almost

I hope your heart isn as heavy 

I hope we can continue to enjoy each others company

If only til our hearts heal and we're ready to move on

Move away from each other

Gently

And with grace

I only hope good things for you

I hope you no malice

I've done the anger

My grieving 

The confusions and hurt

Nothing cuts more than rejection

And that ship has sailed

I'm in this moment with you

Soaking up as much joy as I can deal with

Holding in to memories and moments for when I am alone

I Love You

Maybe I shouldn't 

But I can't turn off my heart

As much as I'd like to, to relieve the pain

At least now, I can breath again.

Empty

 There's a darkness where you were

A big chasm of stillness that threatens to envelope me

I'm struggling to understand 

What happened?

Where did you go?

what was said , unsaid?

Your love and emotion has kept me afloat for weeks 

Coaxing me out of the shadows to be blissfully sheltered by your design

But it's gone, all gone.

Not a single shred of you is left 

My phone erased you.

Quietened the twisted words and distorted feelings

All pictures, poems, songs shared...all gone

With a push of a button

Hours of exchange, contact, learning

Eradicated in minutes 

I ache to fill the space you created

This nothingness is deafening me

Clawing at my skin 

Begging me to stop 

But I can't

I'm tortured by your words

Your affirmations, your gifts, your time spent 

Scribbled messages, thoughtful cards..flowers

All seems meaningless and mute

My gaze saddens as I stare upon them now

Rereading lines and touching delicate flowers and tokens of love

Fuck...what happened here?

It's like a tornado has ripped through my life 

Thrown out all that is good

Now I'm a shell

A weeping , sorry , lost girl.

What have we done here?

What happened so swiftly

To make you cut me from your heart so brutally and your life so definitely.

I don't understand

Tread Lightly

Tread lightly 
With my heart
For it is wounded and unstitched.

I'm holding my breath 
While holding your hand. 

In the dark,
I see you.
Feel your words of comfort 
Not yet knowing your touch
Your gaze
Your heart.

There's a  distance

It's safe

It's warm

It holds me close

Fences my heart in.

And yet,

I ache to be known.

To be seen

To be held

To be whole

Once more.

And yet,

Still I am afraid.

Of a truth,

Of knowing

Of letting go.

But I'm trying ❤️

 As hours tick by slowly

My heart it aches for you

Yearns for your soft, sweet words

Dreams of your scent,

Your arms 

The breath of your whispering tongue

Oh how I've missed you 

Longed for you 

Wanted you

Your touch 

Your lingering kiss 

Your mouth on mine 

Your tongue battling with my own 

The gravely tone in your voice as your need becomes ever apparent

Your need...

It's that I've missed 

And your adoring gaze 

Your commanding hands and demanding want 

3 days baby 

3 days! 

I love you

And I can't wait xx

Your words are never enough?
Are you crazy?

I've never felt so loved,
Adored, 
Wanted
Seen. 

I have waited and wanted you, 
I have dreamed and delighted in the thought of you,
What we have is beyond my imaginings,
Every happy ending,
Every story book romance,
Every chick flick love affair,
They all pale in comparison to the love you have showered on me. 

I struggle everyday to believe that you're real,
That you're mine,
That I get to keep you.
You are the light in my heart,
The life blood that ignites my soul
The fire that rages within every cell of my body

I yearn to be with you,
Around you,
Held by you,
Taken by you.
I want forever to be enveloped within your desire 
To be consumed with this unending need to just be next to you,

I crave your touch
The warmth of your smile
The kindness in your eyes, 
I long to be yours 
Not just in heart, body and spirit 
But in name also,
To be your wife,

To be legally yours,
For all the world to see 
Is a beautiful thought 
And one that makes my soul weep 
We are connected,
We are one
And I will ache for you until we are returned to one another 
My love,
My life,
My heart.


Forever yours
Xxxx

The agony of missing you

Is a tortuous place 

It's dark and foreboding

As it claws at my skin daily.

I not only know of you 

I now know you

In the truest sense 

Your thoughts 

Your dreams 

Your touch 

Your smell 

The deliciousness of  your lips on mine

The way you move inside me 

How your heart beats in time with my own 

Your loving touch 

On my aching skin

All of these things are reminders of what has been

What I have longed for 

And what we will return to again.

Forever yours baby xxx

 Like a teenager

That's how you have me..

Shy, lost for words

Laughing...

So much laughter

I think of your words..

Your over use of emojis lol

And I can't help myself

That grin is back..

It lights up my whole face

And yet I know there is a serious side to you

One I want to explore

Where the softness dissipates to vulnerability

That's where I want to get to

I want to know the inside out of you

Where you go when your mind drifts

What thoughts light up your eyes

What dreams you have yet to achieve 

What pain you have overcome 

And where you hide it now

I wanna see you

And be seen