Is this some kind of impasse, 

A truce?

Middle ground, maybe?

Kind of no man's land.

The rules are different 

But my heart beats the same.

Sharing a while day with you,

Filled my cup like nothing else I know. 

It feels different,

Like a first date

Tentative and new

Wholesome and shy

The feelings are there

It's tangible

The electricity between us 

Hasn't just dissipated

It's just lain dormant

I guess what we had hasn't left us yet.

We've drawn apart

But those emotions are still evident.

I feel it in your time,

The way you look at me.

How it feels when you brush past me

And if we momentarily touch.

My happy is with you,

It's so easy in your company.

Your message shave changed,

They are lighter 

Free, almost

I hope your heart isn as heavy 

I hope we can continue to enjoy each others company

If only til our hearts heal and we're ready to move on

Move away from each other

Gently

And with grace

I only hope good things for you

I hope you no malice

I've done the anger

My grieving 

The confusions and hurt

Nothing cuts more than rejection

And that ship has sailed

I'm in this moment with you

Soaking up as much joy as I can deal with

Holding in to memories and moments for when I am alone

I Love You

Maybe I shouldn't 

But I can't turn off my heart

As much as I'd like to, to relieve the pain

At least now, I can breath again.

Empty

 There's a darkness where you were

A big chasm of stillness that threatens to envelope me

I'm struggling to understand 

What happened?

Where did you go?

what was said , unsaid?

Your love and emotion has kept me afloat for weeks 

Coaxing me out of the shadows to be blissfully sheltered by your design

But it's gone, all gone.

Not a single shred of you is left 

My phone erased you.

Quietened the twisted words and distorted feelings

All pictures, poems, songs shared...all gone

With a push of a button

Hours of exchange, contact, learning

Eradicated in minutes 

I ache to fill the space you created

This nothingness is deafening me

Clawing at my skin 

Begging me to stop 

But I can't

I'm tortured by your words

Your affirmations, your gifts, your time spent 

Scribbled messages, thoughtful cards..flowers

All seems meaningless and mute

My gaze saddens as I stare upon them now

Rereading lines and touching delicate flowers and tokens of love

Fuck...what happened here?

It's like a tornado has ripped through my life 

Thrown out all that is good

Now I'm a shell

A weeping , sorry , lost girl.

What have we done here?

What happened so swiftly

To make you cut me from your heart so brutally and your life so definitely.

I don't understand

Tread Lightly

Tread lightly 
With my heart
For it is wounded and unstitched.

I'm holding my breath 
While holding your hand. 

In the dark,
I see you.
Feel your words of comfort 
Not yet knowing your touch
Your gaze
Your heart.

There's a  distance

It's safe

It's warm

It holds me close

Fences my heart in.

And yet,

I ache to be known.

To be seen

To be held

To be whole

Once more.

And yet,

Still I am afraid.

Of a truth,

Of knowing

Of letting go.

But I'm trying ❤️