Yesterday we bought a puppy home.
The kind I wanted, the kind i went go go after, the kind of dog i wanted my kids to grow up with.
He is adorably cute.
But I can't love him...
I feel terrible, his first night home, he was sick in the car on the way home, long journey so that was to be expected.
Then he cried and cried when we went to bed.
My partner got up to go see him to find he had messed all over the kitchen floor, we cleaned up.. at 1am, took him for a pee stop and then tried to get back to bed. At almost 2am my partner decided he was gonna come down and sleep on the couch..puppy slept soundly from then til 7am in his basket in the living room!!!
I feel anxious all the time, I have this deep gnawing, stressful, twisting sense of dread in my stomach.
What was I thinking?
I am now tied to this house...this life?
What about me getting a job..I can't even do the school run without him pissing everywhere.
I was in tears mopping the floor this morning thinking what did I sign up to?
I've had four babies....I have my freedom now, or did.
Have a made a huge mistake or do I just have the puppy blues?
The kids all love him dearly, my youngest talks to him, reads to him, plays with him constantly.
I feel like I'm the only one who can't love him!
It feels like I just had a baby, waited all that time and now there is no love there, nothing, no feeling at all.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.
Sugar xx
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