Yesterday we bought a puppy home.
The kind I wanted, the kind i went go go after, the kind of dog i wanted my kids to grow up with.
He is adorably cute.
But I can't love him...
I feel terrible, his first night home, he was sick in the car on the way home, long journey so that was to be expected.
Then he cried and cried when we went to bed.
My partner got up to go see him to find he had messed all over the kitchen floor, we cleaned up.. at 1am, took him for a pee stop and then tried to get back to bed. At almost 2am my partner decided he was gonna come down and sleep on the couch..puppy slept soundly from then til 7am in his basket in the living room!!!
I feel anxious all the time, I have this deep gnawing, stressful, twisting sense of dread in my stomach.
What was I thinking?
I am now tied to this house...this life?
What about me getting a job..I can't even do the school run without him pissing everywhere.
I was in tears mopping the floor this morning thinking what did I sign up to?
I've had four babies....I have my freedom now, or did.
Have a made a huge mistake or do I just have the puppy blues?
The kids all love him dearly, my youngest talks to him, reads to him, plays with him constantly.
I feel like I'm the only one who can't love him!
It feels like I just had a baby, waited all that time and now there is no love there, nothing, no feeling at all.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.
Sugar xx
Tuesday 21 May 2013
Monday 13 May 2013
Monday..grrrr
As usual my Monday consists of the usual manic, frenzied chaos that seems to exist in the household after the weekend..lol
We were on time for both school and Nursery drop off...my 11 year old slightly highly strung at the prospects of her SATS starting this week, and Noodle (my four year old daughter who is rapidly turning into something from The Omen) looking decidedly pink and perky and beautiful all ready for her Nursery photo, her last one before she moves onto school this September.
I promised myself I would go to the Gym this morning ....(insert grumpy face), I'm on a mission you see....Wedding day is less than a year away and I gotta get this lumpy, sagging, weary, aged body under some kind of control before then!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not entirely unhappy with myself....just a stone and half over my goal weight, and a little toning here and there and maybe a nice rejuvenating facial along the way (it is my birthday soon!) and I will be all set. The dress is bought, I just gotta get in the damn thing now!
Mr K ( my intended) worked like a Trojan the entire weekend, which meant of course we didn't see much of each other and which also meant that i was kinda pissed, grumpy and just generally hormonal from lack of attention...lol attention whore that I am. Although he did score major brownie points last night when he went home and sent the most loving text "..we have something special babe...I hope you know just how much I love you". Of course stuff like that I am a complete sucker for...he could of been the worlds most irritating arsehole all day and then THAT and he would be completely redeemed in a second..lol
Anyways time is getting on ...kids need feeding.
Til next time.
Sugar xx
We were on time for both school and Nursery drop off...my 11 year old slightly highly strung at the prospects of her SATS starting this week, and Noodle (my four year old daughter who is rapidly turning into something from The Omen) looking decidedly pink and perky and beautiful all ready for her Nursery photo, her last one before she moves onto school this September.
I promised myself I would go to the Gym this morning ....(insert grumpy face), I'm on a mission you see....Wedding day is less than a year away and I gotta get this lumpy, sagging, weary, aged body under some kind of control before then!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not entirely unhappy with myself....just a stone and half over my goal weight, and a little toning here and there and maybe a nice rejuvenating facial along the way (it is my birthday soon!) and I will be all set. The dress is bought, I just gotta get in the damn thing now!
Mr K ( my intended) worked like a Trojan the entire weekend, which meant of course we didn't see much of each other and which also meant that i was kinda pissed, grumpy and just generally hormonal from lack of attention...lol attention whore that I am. Although he did score major brownie points last night when he went home and sent the most loving text "..we have something special babe...I hope you know just how much I love you". Of course stuff like that I am a complete sucker for...he could of been the worlds most irritating arsehole all day and then THAT and he would be completely redeemed in a second..lol
Anyways time is getting on ...kids need feeding.
Til next time.
Sugar xx
Saturday 11 May 2013
Aha ...and so it begins...
..it is now less than a year...350 days to be exact until I say 'I do'!!
To be entirely honest with you its not the first time I have been here...infact this will be my third marriage...third time lucky as they say!
Well in my heart I count it as only the second time as the first one was really non existent, it lasted a total of 7 months in which we only spent about four weeks in the same country! It's not something I regret as I am a firm believer that there is a lesson to learn in everything we do, its suffice to say that in that situation 'Love just wasn't enough', sadly.
Moving on...
Well my current fiance and I have been back and forth in this relationship now for almost 7 years....we have had our ups and downs, an affair, a break up, a break down...its all happened here..lol
But here we are, still loving each other, still holding on, still trying to get it right. Needless to say things are pretty great right now, we have learned so much about each other, changed and moulded ourselves so that we are the best fit possible. I have been in other relationships where things have been more exciting, more adventurous, more spontaneous, sexier and at times a helluva lot of fun. But invariably I am drawn back to the one person who knows the bones of me,who loves me no matter what I weigh or what I look like first thing in the morning, when I fuck up and when I feel like I just can't take anymore. He is there through all of my darkest moments, holding my hand and encouraging me on. He loves me without conditions or restraint (well sometimes restraints, but that's another story!) This man knows the inside out of me and I can't wait to be his wife.
This is my journey.
Sugar xx
To be entirely honest with you its not the first time I have been here...infact this will be my third marriage...third time lucky as they say!
Well in my heart I count it as only the second time as the first one was really non existent, it lasted a total of 7 months in which we only spent about four weeks in the same country! It's not something I regret as I am a firm believer that there is a lesson to learn in everything we do, its suffice to say that in that situation 'Love just wasn't enough', sadly.
Moving on...
Well my current fiance and I have been back and forth in this relationship now for almost 7 years....we have had our ups and downs, an affair, a break up, a break down...its all happened here..lol
But here we are, still loving each other, still holding on, still trying to get it right. Needless to say things are pretty great right now, we have learned so much about each other, changed and moulded ourselves so that we are the best fit possible. I have been in other relationships where things have been more exciting, more adventurous, more spontaneous, sexier and at times a helluva lot of fun. But invariably I am drawn back to the one person who knows the bones of me,who loves me no matter what I weigh or what I look like first thing in the morning, when I fuck up and when I feel like I just can't take anymore. He is there through all of my darkest moments, holding my hand and encouraging me on. He loves me without conditions or restraint (well sometimes restraints, but that's another story!) This man knows the inside out of me and I can't wait to be his wife.
This is my journey.
Sugar xx
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