What did you do?

 Where did you go?

You were real, I know you were 

You said it! 

Did you seriously ghost me? 

Was all of that...

Those words, the music, the compliments the laughs 

Just for a fucking shag? 

Seriously...

All of that, those big feelings 

That emotion we struggled to contain 

Is that gone? 

Was it there? 

Fuck, I can't believe that you faked that? 

I don't want to believe that 

But what's the alternative? 

If those feelings were real and like mine all consuming 

You would have a massive void in your life right now 

I still feel your loss and it's almost two weeks with not a single word 

I can't believe you've just disappeared  

Cut me off 

Dropped me 

Fuck it 

What did you do?

7 days

 That's all it took.

Saturday last week I was in your arms 

You woke me 

Kissed me 

And slid into me all over again.

A week ago I was in your arms 

Your bed 

Under your skin 

For the first 

And now it seems, the last time 

I can't fathom it at all 

It felt too good 

And not just the physical 

Which was amazing 

But I'd fallen into your arms days before we met 

And that's where I wanted to stay 

It felt right 

Like home. 

7 days of crazy 

And now 7 days of almost silence 

It's an agony I'm not sure I'll get over 

To have that pull towards someone and then have to keep them at arms length 

It's not easy 

It's the cruellest request of all .

Id take a single text right now 

A phone call 

A hug 

Oh god you give the best hugs 

I was only in your arms a short while 

But how I miss them 

I miss you x

What to say?

 To you.  

So many things, so many unanswered questions 

I'm not ready 

I can't really express what I want or how I feel 

I just don't know.

That word platonic is just a stand out?

God I really want to see you again,

More than anything 

But I can not shut off how I feel 

And I don't know if I want to 

I like the way you make me feel 

I want more.

I think I'll always want more.

If it's just as friends then why do you want to see me again?

Isnt that just sweet agony 

Well I think it will be for me 

I want to hold you so badly 

And be held 

You give great hugs. 

Ive missed them 

I've missed you 

Everyday.

Xx

I don't know where to go

 With my thoughts.

They are all over the place right now.

Standing back I can see the error of our beginnings 

It wasn't rational or logical or even conceivable

That we could sustain that level of heightened emotion 

Impossibley doomed before we began 

I'd like to go backwards 

Start again 

More gently, more mindfully 

Me with my broken heart  

You with your broken thoughts 

And nourish this magnetic pull we seem to have 

But in a way and a pace that fits us both 

However slow and chaotic that may be. 

Just don't let go. 

I can't shut my feelings off just like that 

I can't be shown the most impressive work of art in the gallery 

Then be told I can never lie my eyes on it or enjoy it ever again 

That is the cruellest joke of all 

Look what you could've had Sally.. 

Everything you ever wished for, wanted and didn't think you deserved 

All in one person 

But you can only keep them at arms length?

I'm not sure I can do that 

Not sure I'm strong  enough or even have the mind to 

We will see 

Miss you x

24hrs

...almost .

Nearly an entire day without you 

Complete silence 

Nothing 

It's fucking agony. 

Have you just been able to cut off entirely?

Or put me in a box and put the lid on? 

Is that possible after all we felt? 

Was it even real for you? 

God it felt so real.

Still feels real,

Feels raw,

God so achingly raw.

I'm not sleeping again,

Not eating again.

Fuck, what's the point?

There's just nothing...

There was you.....

And now there's this huge void.

I just feel numb 

And so very empty.

I miss you x

Bubble burst!

 It happened.

It really did.

And it was real, so so real.

If only for that moment.

I feel like someone has removed a limb 

I get it 

I do. 

You gotta function 

And so do i,

But Fuck, I don't want to right now.

I just wanna crawl inside myself and weep.

How can something build to a crescendo in two weeks 

And then be whipped away to nothing? 

I can't unfeel these emotions and I can't erase my thoughts 

Text messages and pictures and voice notes ...

All gone.

Even your number I can, and have deleted.

It's the only way I know how of stopping myself from reaching out to you 

Fuck it 

I don't want to be friends right now 

I don't want anything else except the picture you painted 

And the promises you made 

Fuck, every fibre of me just wants to me next to you 

And I understand this fucks with your head 

And mine too.

Im hoping that given a few days and busying yourself at work you mind set will be different. 

I'm hoping you can't live without me in your life,

I'm hoping you really wanna see me again. 

I'm hoping we can get to a happy medium with texts and calls 

I don't wanna lose what we've found

And I certainly don't wanna be a one night stand 

I'm glad I have here 

Glad I have somewhere to write and to let go.

If I'm not talking to you I have to get it out somehow 

So here seems the best place.

I miss you x

Fuck, I am undone!

 You 

It's always been you 

You have slid inside my mind 

Carved your name in my chest 

Ripped through all my walls and spoken directly to my soul. 

I feel everything 

It makes me feel so deliciously alive 

And lost 

Terrified 

And achingly wanton. 

I am both lost for words and yet have so many to tell you 

Each breath is a step closer to you 

It feels like I'm walking on sand 

And yet  I'm almost floating in this dizzying pleasure.

You have opened up a Pandora's box 

A huge wave of emotion that threatens to engulf me 

My arms so tired of being empty are now at last full 

My heart, wow, my heart is twice the size it was a week ago 

And my soul is alight 

Every part of me longs to discover you 

Please you 

Adore you 

I want to be enveloped so fully within your emotion 

Within you 

You 

It's always been you 

Sally x