You can't?

Of course you can't!
Can't love me the way i need to be loved.
Can't be the man i fell in love with...
Can't do all the little things that make me feel good about myself..
Can't see how your words and actions hurt so cruelly...
Can't send the odd text just to let me know I'm in your thoughts..
Can't kiss me other than the daily morning and evening peck..
Can't roll over in bed and touch me....
Can't hold me and say it'll all be alright...
Can't have a conversation and ignore your phone...
Can't get by an evening without at least two hours browsing on your phone..
Can't sit next to me..
Can't pay me a compliment...
Can't have a car journey without either criticising my driving or every other fucker on the road....

But it's not really that you can't is it?
Its just that you can't be arsed.
Simple fact is we are just not worth your time and effort.
Just not important or a priority in your life enough for you to put your shit down and look the fuck up and smell the coffee..

Too late.

This bitch has ceased making your coffee.

You're on ya own!

Fuckwit!!!

I dunno what i was thinking!

How I thought this ever could work between us..it just can't!
Your a square peg trying to fit into a round hole...not matter how hard you try (and at times even your keenness surprises me) its just not going to happen...impossible situation.
I've tried to be visible, tried to love you...give myself over to you with all that i have...but its just not enough!
I can take being second best, I can live with coming after our daughter in your list of priorities, but dammit even she isn't first....she or I never were, sadly never will be.
The first person on your list is you....always you.
If it please you.
If your happy.
If you can't see a problem with your behaviour.
If your not hurting.
If you deemed it as a joke.....
You
You
YOU!
I pity you.
Even though your stand offish ness and your pride and your ignorance hurt like hell.
Your words, like razor blades on my soft, sensitive skin.
Ripping open old wounds and allowing that darkness to creep back into my soul once more.
Its bad enough that you don't see me, but these days you don't even look at me....eye contact is rare.  Almost as rare as intimacy.
I'm obviously just a thing that needs an occasional hug, kiss goodnight or quick (very quick) fuck to shut up every once in a while.
I thought you loved me.
Do these things sound like love to you?

I pour my heart out to you in letters and texts and you seem to hear what I'm saying, replying with a gentle word or two a crumb of hope for the helpless.
But when i ask to talk, you insist there is nothing to talk about and that I'm the one who is 'off', I'm the one with the problem..you're fine!
You can't understand why I'm behaving like this, won't understand. Not interested.  Because you know what..your ok!

I don't wanna be in a relationship where my husband "enjoys my company", well fuck not til I'm 80 or something when "company" is all there is on the menu????
I've given up buying anything remotely sexy, well not for the likes of you anyway..it would be a complete waste of money.  You ignore me the most in the bedroom.  Unless its of course about your needs and then I might as well be made of latex, filled with air and have a couple of gaping orifices ..cos that's how you make me feel.  Nothing loving there.  Nothing that makes me feel like you  respect or even care that I have feelings, a heart , a name even!

What have you done to this woman?
What have I let myself become....this is the more prudent question.
What indeed?

Stupidly yours

Sugar xx

"I just don't get you!"

No.
Of course you don't!
Cos you don't even fucking try.....
If its not in your world or your way of doing things then frankly it doesn't exist!
I mean God forbid if i wanna do something and it conflicts with what you are doing..what then? Who's gonna look after the kids???  When your usual babysitter is actually out doing something for herself..fuck, what goes on then?  I know, the world fuckin stops, well your world does at least.....
I don't protest EVER, about all the Saturdays you have to yourself and all the Saturday evenings i sit and watch you yawn and browse through your phone and til you say your knackered then go to bed.  I don't say anything about all the evenings, early mornings, weekend hours you choose to have to yourself so you can 'keep fit', where is your babysitter when this is going on?  Did you organise something?  Course you didn't cos its taken for granted that the mug you married will be there, running the household, feeding everyone, looking after things while you swan off and have some time to yourself.
And the one night i choose to do something, because its a night that's convenient for me and works for me and fits in with my schedule and you say.."Well that's ok for now, but when MY club starts up again it'll be a bit of an issue!!!"
Well of course its a fuckin issue.
Cos you are a selfish arsehole, who can't see anything beyond his own tiny, tiny little self centred world.
How fuckin stupid of me.
And you wonder why we don't talk.
Don't communicate?
Its cos you are not listening.
Why would you?
Whats going on in anybody elses life but your own is frankly irrelevant so why would you give a toss.
Over and out!